According to scientists (yes, those people), summer ends on September 22 or thereabouts, when the sun crosses the celestial equator resulting in a day and night that are nearly equal in length. For most humans, however, summer ended when the kids went back to school.
For many, it didn’t end soon enough, especially if their summer included the Joys of Modern Air Travel.
Fact: When traveling cross country, 19th century covered wagons offer comforts and convenience that put The Airline Travel Experience to shame, especially for poor souls flying Economy (AKA ‘poor’) Class.
If that’s you, at least relax and enjoy getting to your flight. At SFO for instance. When you arrive at the terminal, there’s convenient curbside baggage check-in. Have your phone out with your on-screen electronic boarding pass (no ‘tickets’ anymore) so the bagger can send your checked bag(s) to the right plane. Next: Present your Real ID to pass through the TSA checkpoint with no more than 3.4 oz. of sedative (wink-wink) in your carry-on.
If you’ve time, relax at one of several dozen snackshops/bars/restaurants or browse the terminal’s clothing/jewelry/stuff stores.
Then enjoy that loooooooong, cavernous walk to your departure gate, wheeling your carry-on bag toward the Boarding Experience with a . . . diversely-dressed?. . . and possibly covid-infected horde, some with extra kids that won’t ‘fit in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of them.’
If your departure gate isn’t changed to one in Cleveland, you’ll eventually board. Shuffle s-l-o-w-l-y down the narrow aisle past already-seated, fashionably dressed Business Class folks, and look for (a) any empty overhead carry-on storage space, and (b) your seat, which will be . . . much further back.
Speaking of seats: Butts on those horses that pulled great-great-great-grandpa’s covered wagon to Gold Country might have been smaller than those squeezing in beside you in Economy Class. A wisely-chosen aisle seat offers some in-flight relief, if your seat-mates don’t have to pee too often.
But what’s the alternative? Simple: Cash out your 401K and upgrade to posh Business Class or (praise Jesus) First Class! Per Google:
“First Class offers a superior, luxurious travel experience above and beyond Business Class, featuring private suites or beds, personalized service, gourmet dining on demand, and exclusive amenities like showers or chauffeur service, while Business Class provides a significantly more comfortable and luxurious alternative to Economy, including lie-flat seats, improved dining and access to Business Class lounges.”
Economy passengers must pay extra for their in-flight luxuries (e.g., crackers).
The Good News: No matter how long the flight or how much you pay for ‘extras’ that were once included in the price of a ticket (e.g., leg-room, food, water, snacks, napkin, pillow, oxygen, etc.), the Big Shot who paid a fortune to ride in grandiose First Class will arrive at your destination only .0000001 seconds sooner than you!
Yes, everyone on board – regardless of tax bracket – is in the same enclosed tube hurtling through space at the same speed. And if your plane loses a door, collides with a helicopter or lands in a river, everyone on board is instantly ‘equal,’ no matter what ‘class’ they’re in.
So if your flight bursts into flames upon landing, leap from that Economy seat and race for the nearest exit! And if you have to jam past the guy retrieving his $3,000 Gucci carry-on from the First Class overhead, just remember to say ‘excuse me.’
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